What now?

Wow its been a shitty while since i posted something here, but school has kept me busy, really damn busy and i have to admit i have forgoten i had this blog but well lets start writting again.

I'm not feeling at my best right now, there is this thing i feel that burns every inch of my body, even if i don't want it to burn, it burns beyond comparison, it runs through my blood as a rush of adrenaline, it heads for my pale hands that now turn into fists, crying for a way out, begging for some other pain to come and neutralize it. It's just impossible, it is always the same old story, the same shitty game I've been having to play that makes it harder to breath. I wonder when will it stop, when will it fade away, I guess I can't help to be afraid, afraid to lose it all...

A bunch of encountered feelings rounding my heart inside a black cloud of confusion, what to do?

I find myself at the edge, not sure whether to cry or to scream, not willing to lose it all, what is it there to come and knock me down, I won't be able to carry on, cuz I know I'm not that strong, at least not like I used to be. What is it there for me to do? I'm barely holding on, just realized my whole world has always been pending on a loosen string and I'll never be able to step out of it unless it brakes. Here's when sometimes you can't help to cry and wonder what's next, how will it all develop, a feeling that keeps you awake all night. Because you know in one second everything can change and the things you once had, they won't belong to you anymore, they've been taken away from you, and you're left to admire NOTHING but your empty shaking hands that now are filled with tears and impotence, those hands that once were full of joy. Back in those days where you weren't afraid to lose every single thing you owned, but it all changes, cuz you now have too much to lose and by losing it you will lose yourself as well.

It all can be so contradictory, life is about risking every penny, but what to risk when you've got everything, what to lose when you have nothing... It is only matter of points of view, at least in my point of view. I, am scared to death.

A dreamer dreams of an idea and dreams it will never die...*

This dreamer hopes for inner peace and a clear path

MQ....................................................................................simply me

smm soul