What now?

Wow its been a shitty while since i posted something here, but school has kept me busy, really damn busy and i have to admit i have forgoten i had this blog but well lets start writting again.

I'm not feeling at my best right now, there is this thing i feel that burns every inch of my body, even if i don't want it to burn, it burns beyond comparison, it runs through my blood as a rush of adrenaline, it heads for my pale hands that now turn into fists, crying for a way out, begging for some other pain to come and neutralize it. It's just impossible, it is always the same old story, the same shitty game I've been having to play that makes it harder to breath. I wonder when will it stop, when will it fade away, I guess I can't help to be afraid, afraid to lose it all...

A bunch of encountered feelings rounding my heart inside a black cloud of confusion, what to do?

I find myself at the edge, not sure whether to cry or to scream, not willing to lose it all, what is it there to come and knock me down, I won't be able to carry on, cuz I know I'm not that strong, at least not like I used to be. What is it there for me to do? I'm barely holding on, just realized my whole world has always been pending on a loosen string and I'll never be able to step out of it unless it brakes. Here's when sometimes you can't help to cry and wonder what's next, how will it all develop, a feeling that keeps you awake all night. Because you know in one second everything can change and the things you once had, they won't belong to you anymore, they've been taken away from you, and you're left to admire NOTHING but your empty shaking hands that now are filled with tears and impotence, those hands that once were full of joy. Back in those days where you weren't afraid to lose every single thing you owned, but it all changes, cuz you now have too much to lose and by losing it you will lose yourself as well.

It all can be so contradictory, life is about risking every penny, but what to risk when you've got everything, what to lose when you have nothing... It is only matter of points of view, at least in my point of view. I, am scared to death.

A dreamer dreams of an idea and dreams it will never die...*

This dreamer hopes for inner peace and a clear path

MQ....................................................................................simply me

smm soul

Learn from this

wow since january first i havent written anything.. i feel so bad, i dont know why i havent been writing here again, i remember this can take away my pain, my confusion, my indecision, everything i have to deal with. So lets start to get this out off my chest...

We all have been broken hearted at least once and we know how it feels to feel that all of your dreams crash to the ground, empty, lost, depressed and all of the painful things that come with it, but seriously have you ever broken someone's heart? Well last week i did that... and in my head i kept thinking: "i am the person less indicated to brake someone's heart after what happened to me, but i have to do this before it gets worst." Let me explain the because of those words, well my best friend fell in love with me, and he kept on asking a good friend of both if she could help him out with me, and she agreed and later told me how much he was into me, how i lighted up his day... dude i felt so bad when she told me :"You dont know how many things he have asked me, begged me to do so you can love him the he loves you, he loves in a way that you dont have an idea." I froze and yelled :"He cant fall in love with me, i dont want anything with him, he is my best friend and nothing more, Im not the one for him."

She nodded and then we both returned to our houses, i remember that night i couldnt sleep, and the other day just got way worst.. by that time i was ignoring him to make him see i wanted nothing with him, that day at school another friend told me i was between 2 other people, i mean 2 people liked me, people i know, and i wasnt even sure how i felt, it totally freaked me out. I gave it little importance and continued my life, that afternoon mariana told me that he has been feeling dead, that he didnt want to do anything just because i ignored him, i was totally upset because i mean i cant kill him, but to mess the day even more he asked another friend of mine for help, but this dude messed it up so baad, he started telling my Bf that he liked me and that he and i almost became boyfriend and girlfriend, so my bf freaked out and called mariana crying, mariana was online so she started telling me that he was crying and all of that, Crap i so wanted to hit the wall as i always do but i didnt, mariana told me:"Hey you should really talk to him, you are hurting him more by ignoring him" fine i said.

And then Friday came along on the second recess at school i decided to talk to him...
i told him the truth, why i ignored him, that i dont see him as something more than my friend and that i could never get to love him the way he loves me.. on sports class he cried with mariana, i felt so bad, but inside of me i knew it was the best. He ignored me the rest of the day and monday but he is a bipolar so later on he started talking to me, i totally dont understand him, and all i can say is that men are such babies, i know it hurts but you get over it no matter how deep you feel for someone, so i told him to learn from this, to become stronger, i did the best i could not to be rude but ahh i feel better letting this "business" out.

Ill be back tomorrow...

This dreamer is confused and sorry

MQ ......................... If things just could get back to normal... smm- simply me -M

Best Wishes, Peace love and rock n' roll

Well Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everybody you know my greeting to everybody and my best wishes, i hope that everybody who reads this stays healthy and wish them peace&love some drugs and rock n' roll haha ok just rock n' roll and success in everything you desire to do and whatever you are passionate for, follow your heart mote than your insticts well at least thats what i think its better. So i celebrated with my family you know eat till you drop im certain im going to gain some weight but well its a new year i have new goals and dreams or at least a kind of new perspective about everything . Right now i dont have nothing to say so this is the only thing im going to write.